Myth - "Educators Always Know What's Best for Students"
The Myth
There's an unspoken assumption in many schools that educators, as trained professionals, inherently know what's best for students with disabilities. This manifests in team dynamics where professional recommendations carry more weight than parent input, where "we're the experts" thinking dominates, and where disagreement from parents is viewed as interference rather than valuable perspective.
Why This Myth Persists
We are experts—in education, in disabilities, in interventions and strategies. We've been trained, certified, and have experience working with many students. This expertise is real and valuable.
The problem arises when we forget that expertise in education generally doesn't automatically translate to expertise about specific individual children. We may know a lot about autism, but parents know more about their autistic child. We may be experts in reading interventions, but parents have seen what actually motivates their child to read.
Additionally, school culture often reinforces professional authority. We meet in our buildings, during school hours, surrounded by our colleagues. The setting itself suggests this is our domain. When parents challenge recommendations, it can feel like they're questioning our professional competence.
The Reality
Parents are the experts on their children, and that expertise is just as essential as our professional knowledge. The best IEPs emerge from genuine collaboration where we value both types of expertise equally.
Parents bring irreplaceable information to the IEP table:
Long-term developmental history
What's been tried before and how it worked
The child's personality, preferences, and motivations
Behavior patterns across environments
Family circumstances that impact learning
The child's own hopes and dreams
Observations in contexts we don't see
When we dismiss or undervalue the input of parents and guardians because "we're the professionals," we miss critical information that could make our services more effective.
How This Myth Hurts Our Work
It damages trust: When parents feel their knowledge is dismissed, they become defensive or disengaged. Trust erodes, and the partnership suffers.
It leads to less effective interventions: Without full information from parents, we may recommend strategies that sound good on paper but don't fit the actual child.
It creates conflict: Parents who feel unheard often escalate concerns, bring advocates or attorneys, or file complaints—not because they're difficult, but because they feel their expertise is not valued.
It limits our own learning: Parents often have insights that make us better at our jobs—if we're open to hearing them.
Shifting Our Practice
Check your mindset: Before IEP meetings, remind yourself that you're meeting with a fellow expert who has different but equally important knowledge. This parent has successfully raised this child through challenges you've only read about in textbooks.
Ask more, tell less: Instead of presenting recommendations as conclusions, ask questions: "What have you noticed works well at home when he's frustrated?" "Tell me about times when she's really engaged in learning." "What concerns you most about her progress right now?"
Value parent observations as data: When a parent says "I notice she shuts down when there's too much noise," that's not just an anecdote—it's valuable observational data that should inform our recommendations.
Be transparent about constraints: If budget, staffing, or policy issues are limiting options, say so honestly rather than framing recommendations as purely about what's "best" for the child. Parents can often help problem-solve if they understand real constraints.
Acknowledge what you don't know: It's okay to say, "I'm not sure what's happening at recess. Let me look into that," or "I haven't noticed that in class, but I'll pay attention now that you've mentioned it."
Invite disagreement: Create space for parents to disagree by asking questions like "What concerns do you have about this recommendation?" or "Does this fit with what you know about your child?"
Real-World Reflection
I recall a team meeting where we were all convinced that a student needed to be moved to a more restrictive setting. Her behavior in the classroom was challenging, she was behind academically, and we felt we'd tried everything.
Her mother disagreed. She explained that her daughter thrived with independence, that she had recently gone through a family trauma, and that she was actually making progress in ways we weren't measuring—she was making friends for the first time, she was starting to enjoy school, she was building confidence.
We could have dug in and insisted we knew better. Instead, we listened. We agreed to try modified supports in the current placement while more carefully monitoring both academic and social-emotional progress.
Six months later, that student was succeeding. The trauma responses had settled, and with adjusted academic supports, her behavior improved dramatically. Had we insisted on our initial recommendation without truly hearing the parent's expertise, we would have made a harmful mistake.
Questions for Self-Reflection
Do I genuinely listen to parent input, or am I waiting for them to finish so I can explain my position?
When parents disagree with me, do I get defensive or do I get curious about their perspective?
Do I use jargon that reinforces my authority, or do I communicate in plain language that invites dialogue?
Have I created space in meetings for parents to share their knowledge, or do I dominate the conversation?
Do I view parents as partners or as people who need to be convinced?
The Bottom Line
We are experts, but we're not the only experts in the room. The most effective IEP teams recognize that professional knowledge and parent knowledge are both essential, both valuable, and both necessary for creating truly individualized education plans.
When we approach IEP meetings with genuine humility about what we don't know and authentic appreciation for what parents do know, we build stronger partnerships and develop better plans for students.
Tomorrow: Myth #2 - "Schools should present unified recommendations to parents." We'll explore why pre-meeting alignment among staff might not actually serve students best. See you then!
Nicolette Lesniak is an experienced special education teacher leader and IEP Coach. She has presented at regional and national educational conferences for families and educators on the importance of collaboration and partnerships in improving student outcomes. You can contact her at hello@nicolettelesniak.com.
