Stop Telling Your Staff to Log Off Until Leadership Models It First
Have you ever fallen into the “do as I say, not as I do” trap?
There are times that I have said to my co-workers and staff, “Make sure you’re taking time for yourself this weekend. Recharge. Family first!” Yet the first thing I do is go home and spend hours researching and finding a solution to that problem that has been keeping me up at night.
As leaders, we say these words with the best of intentions. We genuinely want our teams to avoid burnout. We want them to have the space to be present for their kids’ soccer games, their partners, or simply their own peace of mind.
But then, Friday night rolls around. You are hit with a burst of productivity, or perhaps a lingering sense of just let me reply to that email real quick, and you spend the entire weekend clearing your inbox..
On Monday, you walk into the office feeling accomplished, but your team walks in feeling exhausted.
Here is the hard truth: Your team is not listening to your advice. They are watching your examples.
First: The Power of the "Hidden Expectation"
Even if you tell your staff and co-workers, "Don't feel like you need to reply to this until Monday“ in the email you send, the mere presence of your name in their notifications creates a psychological weight.
To a staff member, a boss who is constantly on creates a culture of always on. Others begin to feel that, while you say balance is important, the real path to success and recognition, in your eyes, is through constant availability.
They start to mirror your behavior, not because they want to, but because they feel they have to keep up. If they cannot keep up, animosity begins to brew.
Second: The Comparison Gap: Different Lives, Different Stakes
One of the biggest disconnects in leadership is forgetting that our staff’s family obligations and life structures often look very different from our own. Everyone’s plate is filled with different things. It is the same plate, but with different obligations.
Perhaps you are in a stage of life where your children are grown, or you have a support system that allows you to work late nights. But for your team, the reality might be:
Navigating the "witching hour" with toddlers.
Caring for an aging parent.
Managing a household as a single parent.
Dealing with a family member who has personal mental health needs that require strict boundaries.
When you work through the weekend, you might feel like you’re getting ahead. But when others feel pressured to work through the weekend, they might feel like they are failing their families. The difference in your life stages does not make your work any less valid, but it makes your impact on their personal time much heavier.
Third: How to Lead with Authenticity (and Actually Log Off)
If you want a healthy, high-performing team, you have to be the one to set the boundaries first. Here is how to close the gap between what you say and what you do:
Use a send later feature in your emails: If you get a spark of inspiration at 9:00 PM on a Tuesday, write the email, but schedule it to send at 9:00 AM on Wednesday. Protect your staff and co-workers' peace.
Be Vocal About Your Own Boundaries: Instead of just telling them to take a break, tell them when you are taking one. I turn off my notifications starting at 5:00 PM each evening to spend time with my family and do things I enjoy, like writing blog posts. Setting an example and being vocal about your boundaries gives your co-workers and staff permission to do the same.
Audit the Culture: Ask your team honestly: Do you feel pressured to respond to me after hours? And then listen to the answer without defensiveness.
Recognize Results, not hours in: Shift the praise from who stayed the latest to who managed their projects most efficiently to regain quality time for the things they enjoy.
Finally
Leadership is a mirror. If you look at your team and see a group of people who are stressed, overworked, and struggling to find balance, it might be time to look at your own calendar and practices.
True leadership is not about being the person who works the most. It is about being the person who creates an environment where everyone can do their best work and then go home to a life worth living.
Are you ready to redefine what leadership looks like for your organization? Let’s talk about building a culture that thrives on results, not burnout. Contact Nicolette at hello@nicolettelesniak.com
